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Lyrics

CATSLYRICS

Act 1

Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats

Are you blind when you're born? Can you see in the dark?
Can you look at a king? Would you sit on his throne?
Can you say of your bite that it's worse than your bark?
Are you cock of the walk when you're walking alone?

Because Jellicles are and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles would
Jellicles would and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

When you fall on your head, do you land on your feet?
Are you tense when you sense there's a storm in the air?
Can you find your way blind when you're lost in the street?
Do you know how to go to the Heaviside Layer?

Because Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Can you ride on a broomstick to places far distant?
Familiar with candle, with book and with bell?
Were you Whittington's friend? The Pied Piper's assistant?
Have you been an alumnus of heaven or hell?

Are you mean like a minx?
Are you lean like a lynx?
Are you keen to be seen when you're smelling a rat?
Were you there when the pharoahs commissioned the Sphinx?
If you were and you are, you're a Jellicle Cat!

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

We can dive through the air like a flying trapeze
We can turn double somersaults, bounce on a tire
We can run up the wall, we can swing through the trees
We can balance on bars, we can walk on a wire

Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicles can and Jellicles do

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Can you sing at the same time in more than one key
Duets by Rossini and waltzes by Strauss
And can you (as cats do) begin with a C
That always triumphantly brings down the house

Jellicle cats are queens of the night
Singing at astronomical heights
Handling pieces from the Messiah
Hallelujah, angelical choir

The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang "Vivat!"
Life to the everlasting cat!
Feline, fearless, faithful and true
To others who do what

Jellicles do and Jellicles can
Jellicles can and Jellicles do
Jellicle cats sing Jellicle chants
Jellicles old and Jellicles new
Jellicle song and Jellicle dance

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

Practical cats, dramatical cats
Pragmatical cats, fanatical cats
Oratorical cats, delphioracle cats
Skeptical cats, dispeptical cats
Romantical cats, pedantical cats
Critical cats, parasitical cats
Allegorical cats, metaphorical cats
Statistical cats and mystical cats
Political cats, hypocritical cats
Clerical cats, hysterical cats
Cynical cats, rabbinical cats

Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats
Jellicle songs for Jellicle cats

There's a man over there with a look of surprise,
As much as to say, "Well now how about that!"
Do I actually see with my own very eyes
A man who's not heard of a Jellicle cat?
What's a Jellicle cat? What's a Jellicle cat?

What's a Jellicle cat?

 

The Naming of Cats

The naming of cats is a difficult matter
It isn't just one of your holiday games
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I tell you a cat must have three different names

First of all, there's the name that the family use daily
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James
Such as Victor or Jonathan, George or Bill Bailey
All of them sensible, everyday names

There are fancier names if you think they sound sweeter
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames
Such as Plato, Admetas, Electra, Demeter
But all of them sensible everyday names

But I tell you a cat needs a name that's particular
A name that's peculiar, and more dignified
Else how can he keep up his tail perpendicular
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?

Of names of this kind, I can give you a quorum
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo or Coricopat
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum
Names that never belong to more than one cat

But above and beyond there's still one name left over
And that is the name that you never will guess
The name that no human research can discover
But the cat himself knows, and will never confess

When you notice a cat in profound meditation
The reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt contemplation
Of the thought
Of the thought
Of the thought
Of his name

His ineffable effable effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular name

 

The Invitation to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle Cats come one come all
The Jellicle moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle Cats meet once a year
At the Jellicle Ball where we all rejoice
And the Jellicle Leader will soon appear
And make what is known as the Jellicle Choice
When Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different Jellicle Life
For waiting up there is the Heaviside Layer
Full of wonders one Jellicle only will see
And Jellicles ask because Jellices dare:

Who will it be?
Who will it be?

 

The Old Gumbie Cat

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots
Her coat is of the tabby kind with tiger stripes and leopard spots
All day she sits beneath the stair or on the steps or on the mat
She sits and sits and sits and sits
And that's what makes a Gumbie Cat
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat!

But . . .
When the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun
And when all the family's in bed and asleep
She tucks up her skirts to the basement to creep
She is deeply concerned with the ways of the mice
Their behaviour's not good and their manners not nice
So when she has got them lined up on the matting
She teaches them music, crocheting and tatting

I have a Gumbie Cat in mind
Her name is Jennyanydots
The curtain cord she likes to wind and tie it into sailor knots
She sits upon the windowsill or anything that's smooth and flat
She sits and sits and sits and sits
And that's what makes a Gumbie Cat
That's what makes a Gumbie Cat!

But . . .
When the day's hustle and bustle is done
Then the Gumbie Cat's work is but hardly begun
She thinks that the cockroaches just need employment
To prevent them from idle and wanton destroyment
So she's formed from that lot of disorderly louts
A troop of well disciplined helpful boy scouts
With a purpose in life and a good deed to do
And she's even created a Beetles Tattoo!

For she's a jolly good fellow!

Thank you my dears!

 

The Rum Tum Tugger

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat

If you offer me pheasant I'd rather have grouse
If you put me in a house I would much prefer a flat
If you put me in a flat then I'd rather have a house
If you set me on a mouse then I only want a rat
If you set me on a rat then I'd rather chase a mouse

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any call for me to shout it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!

The Rum Tum Tugger is a terrible bore

When you let me in, then I want to go out
I'm always on the wrong side of every door
And as soon as I'm at home, then I'd like to get about
I like to lie in the bureau drawer
But I make such a fuss if I can't get out

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And it isn't any use for you to doubt it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious beast

My disobliging ways are a matter of habit
Now, if you offer me fish then I always want a feast
When there isn't any fish then I won't eat rabbit
If you offer me cream then I sniff and sneer
But I only like what I find for myself
So you'll catch me in it right up to my ears
If you put it away on the larder shelf

The Rum Tum Tugger is artful and knowing
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle
But I'll leap in your lap in the middle of your sewing
For there's nothing I enjoy like a horrible muddle!

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
The Rum Tum Tugger doesn't care for a cuddle

The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious cat
And there isn't any need for me to spout it
For he will do as he do do
And there's no doing anything about it!

 

Grizabella

Remark the Cat who hesitates towards you
In the light of the door which opens on her like a grin
You see the border of her coat is torn and stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye twist like a crooked pin

She haunted many a low resort
Near the grimy road of Tottenham Court
She flitted about the No Man's Land
From "The Rising Sun" to "The Friend at Hand"
And the postman sighed as he scratched his head
You'd really had thought she ought to be dead
And who would ever suppose that that
Was Grizabella the glamour cat?

Grizabella, the glamour cat
Grizabella, the glamour cat
Who would ever suppose that that
Was Grizabella the glamour cat?

 

Bustopher Jones

Bustopher Jones is not skin and bones
In fact, he's remarkably fat
He doesn't haunt pubs - he has eight or nine clubs
For he's the St. James's Street Cat!

He's the cat we all greet as he walks down the street
In his coat of fastidious black
No commonplace mousers have such well-cut trousers
Or such an impeccable back

In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummel of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats

In the whole of St. James's the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummel of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white spats
My visits are occasional to the Senior Educational
And it is against the rules
For any one cat to belong both to that
And the Joint Superior Schools
For a similar reason when game is in season
I'm found not at Fox's but Blimp's
I am frequently seen at the gay Stage and Screen
Which is famous for winkles and shrimps

In the season of venison I give my ben'son
To the Pothunter's succulent bones
And just before noon's not a moment too soon
To drop in for a drink at the Drones
When I'm seen in a hurry there's probably curry
At the Siamese or at the Glutton
If I look full of gloom then I've lunched at the Tomb
On cabbage, rice pudding and mutton

In the whole of St. James's is the smartest of names is
The name of this Brummel of cats
And we're all of us proud to be nodded or bowed to
By Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white
Bustopher Jones in white spats

So, much in this way passes Bustopher's day
At one club or another he's found
It can be no surprise that under our eyes
He has grown unmistakably round
He's a twenty-five pounder, or I am a bounder
And he's putting on weight everyday
But I'm so well preserved because I've observed
All my life a routine, and I'd say
I am still in the prime, I shall last out my time
That's the word from the stoutest of cats

It must and it shall be spring in Pall Mall
While Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white
Bustopher Jones wears white spats!

 

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer

Macavity!

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer
We're a notorious couple of cats
As knockabout clowns, quick-change comedians
Tight-rope walkers and acrobats
We have an extensive reputation
We make our home in Victoria Grove
This is merely our centre of operation
For we are incurably given to rove

When the family assembles for Sunday dinner
With their minds made up that they won't get thinner
On Argentine joint, potatoes and greens
And the cook will appear from behind the scenes
And say in a voice that is broken with sorrow,
"I'm afraid you must wait and have dinner tomorrow!
For the joint has gone from the oven like that!"
The family will say, "It's that horrible cat!
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer!"
And most of the time they leave it at that

Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer have a wonderful way of working together
And some of the time you would say it was luck
And some of the time you would say it was weather
We go through the house like a hurricane
And no sober person could take his oath
Was it Mungojerrie or Rumpelteazer?
Or could you have sworn that it mightn't be both?
And when you hear a dining room smash
Or up from the pantry there comes a loud crash
Or down from the library there comes a loud ping
From a vase which was commonly said to be Ming
The family will say: "Now which was which cat?
It was Mungojerrie and Rumpelteazer!"
And there's nothing at all to be done about that!

 

Old Deuteronomy

I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!

Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!

Old Deuteronomy's lived a long time
He's a cat who has lived many lives in succession
He was famous in proverb and famous in rhyme
A long while before Queen Victoria's accession
Old Deuteronomy's buried nine wives
And more - I am tempted to say ninety-nine
And his numerous progeny prospers and thrives
And the village is proud of him in his decline
At the sight of that placid and bland physiognomy
When he sits in the sun on the vicarage wall

The Oldest Inhabitant croaks
Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!

Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!

Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!
My mind may be wandering, but I confess
I believe it is Old Deuteronomy!

Well, of all things, can it be really?
Yes! No! Ho! Hi! Oh, my eye!

My legs may be tottery, I must go slow
And be careful of Old Deuteronomy!

Jellicle Cats meet once a year

On the night we make the Jellicle Choice

And now that the Jellicle leader is here

Jellicle Cats can all rejoice!

 

The Pekes and the Pollicles

Of the aweful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account
Of the participation
Of the Pugs and the Poms
And the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat

The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows
Are proud and implacable passionate fores
It is always the same, wherever one goes
And the Pugs and the Poms, althought most people say
That they do not like fighting, yet once in a way
They now and again join into the fray

And they
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park

Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke
The big Police Dog was away from his beat
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He'd slipped into the Wellington's Arms for a drink
And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet

They did not advance or exactly retreat
But they glared at each other, and scraped their hind feet

And started to
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park

And they
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park

Now the Peke although people may say what they please
Is no British Dog, but a Heathen Chinese
And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar
Some came to the window, some came to the door
There were surely a dozen, more likely a score
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like
For your Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke
There are dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian
And even from China and Spain,
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the mastiff who wakls on a chain
And to those that are frisky and frollical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain
That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle
And you'd better not do it again

And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog-jack of them notable fighers
And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Come Over the Border

Then the Pug and the Poms held no longer aloof
But some from the balcony, some from the roof
Join to the din

With a
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park
Until you can hear them all over the Park

When these bold heroes together assembled
The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade
When suddenly, up from the a small basement flat
Why who should stalk out but the Great Rumpus Cat

His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing
He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing
And when he looked out through the bars of the area
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier
And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep

And when the Police Dog returned to his beat,
There wasn't a single one left in the street.

All hail and all power to the Great Rumpus Cat!

 

 

The Jellicle Ball

 

Jellicle Cats and dogs all must
Pollicle dogs and cats all must
Like undertakers come to dust!

Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle Cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle Cats are black and white
Jellicle Cats are rather small
Jellicle Cats are merry and bright
And pleasant to hear when we caterwaul

Jellicle Cats have cheerful faces
Jellicle Cats have bright black eyes
We like to practice our airs and graces
And wait for the Jellicle Moon to rise

Jellicle Cats develop slowly
Jellicle Cats are not too big
Jellicle Cats are roly poly
We know how to dance a gavotte and a jig
Until the Jellicle Moon appears
We make our toilette and take our repose
Jellicles wash behind their ears
Jellicles dry between their toes

Jellicle Cats are white and black
Jellicle Cats are of moderate size
Jellicles jump like a jumping jack
Jellicle Cats have moonlit eyes

We're quiet enough in the morning hours
We're quiet enough in the afternoon
Reserving our terpsichorean powers
To dance by the light of the Jellicle Moon

Jellicle Cats are black and white
Jellicle Cats (as we said) are small
If it happens to be a stormy night
We will pracitce a caper or two in the hall

If it happens the sun is shining bright
You would say we had nothing to do at all
We are resting and saving ourselves to be right
For the Jellicle Moon and the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle Cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

Jellicle Cats come out tonight
Jellicle Cats come one, come all
The Jellicle Moon is shining bright
Jellicles come to the Jellicle Ball

 

Grizabella: The Glamour Cat

You see the border of her coat
Is torn and stained with sand
And you see the corner of her eye twist
Like a crooked pin.

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory?
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight the withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan

Every streetlamp seems to beat a fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the streetlamp gutters
And soon it will be morning

Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

The Moments of Happiness

The moments of happiness . . .
We had the experience but missed the meaning
And approach to the meaning restores the experience
In a different form, beyond any meaning
We can assign to happiness . . .
The past experience revived in the meaning
Is not the experience of one life only
But of many generations - not forgetting
Something that is probably quite ineffable

Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin

Moonlight, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
If you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin

 

Gus: The Theatre Cat

Gus is the Cat at the Theatre Door
His name as I ought to have told you before
Is really Asparagus, but that's such a fuss
To pronounce that we usually call him
Just Gus

His coat's very shabby
He's thin as a rake
And he suffers from palsy that makes his paw shake
Yet he was in his youth quite the smartest of cats
But no longer a terror to mice or to rats
For he isn't the cat that he was in his prime
Though his name was quite famous, he says, in his time
And whenever he joins his friends at their club
(Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub)
He loves to regale them if someone else pays
With anecdotes drawn from his palmiest days
For he once was a star of the highest degree
He has acted with Irving, he's acted with Tree
And he likes to relate his success on the halls
Where the gallery once gave him seven catcalls
But his grandest creation as he loves to tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell

"I have played, in my time, every possible part
And I used to know seventy speeches by heart
I'd extemporize backchat
I knew how to gag
And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag
I knew how to act with my back and my tail
With an hour of rehearsal
I never could fail
I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts
Whether I took the lead or in character parts
I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell
When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell
In the pantomime season I never fell flat
And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat
But my grandest creation
As history will tell
Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell"

Then if someone will give him a toothful of gin
He will tell how he once played a part in East Lynne
At a Shakespeare performance he once walked on pat
When some actor suggested the need for a cat

"And I say now these kittens
They do not get trained
As we did in the days when Victoria reigned
They never get drilled in a regular troupe
And they think they are smart
Just to jump through a hoop"

And he says as he scratches himself with his claws
"Well, the theatre is certainly not what it was
These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history
As Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell"

"These modern productions are all very well
But there's nothing to equal, from what I hear tell
That moment of mystery when I made history . . ."

 

Skimbleshanks: The Railway Cat

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat, the Cat of the Railway Train
There's a whisper down the line at eleven thirty-nine
When the Night Mail's ready to depart
Saying, "Skimble, where is Skimble?
Has he gone to hunt the thimble?
We must find him or the train can't start"
All the guards and all the porters
And the station master's daughters
Would be searching high and low
Saying "Skimble where is Skimble for unless he's very nimble
Then the night mail just can't go."
At eleven forty-two with the signal overdue
And the passengers all frantic to a man
That's when I would appear and I'd saunter to the rear
I'd been busy in the luggage van!
Then he gave one flash of his glass-green eyes
And the signal went "All Clear!"
They'd be off at last to the northern part of the Northern Hemisphere!

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat
The Cat of the Railway Train
You could say that by and large it was me who was in charge
Of the Sleeping Car Express
From the driver and the guards to the bagmen playing cards
I would supervise them all more or less

Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the travellers in the first and the third
He established control by a regular patrol
And he'd know at once if anything occurred
He would watch you without winking and he saw what you were thinking
And it's certain that he didn't approve
Of hilarity and riot so that folk were very quiet
When Skimble was about and on the move

You could play no pranks with Skimbleshanks!
He's a cat that couldn't be ignored
So nothing went wrong on the Northern Mail
When Skimbleshanks was aboard

It was very pleasant when they'd found their little den
With their name written up on the door
And the berth was very neat with a newly folded sheet
And not a speck of dust upon the floor
There was every sort of light
You could make it dark or bright
And a button you could turn to make a breeze
And a funny little basin you're supposed to wash your face in
And a crank to shut the window should you sneeze

Then the guard looked in politely and would ask you very brightly,
"Do you like your morning tea weak or strong?"
But I was just behind him and was ready to remind him
For Skimble won't let anything go wrong

When they crept into their cosy berth and pulled up the counterpane
They all could reflect that it was very nice
To know that they wouldn't be bothered by mice
They can leave all that to the Railway Cat
The Cat of the Railway Train

Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat
The Cat of the Railway Train
Skimbleshanks the Railway Cat
The Cat of the Railway Train
In the watches of the night I was always fresh and bright
Every now and then I'd have a cup of tea
With perhaps a drop of scotch while I was keeping on the watch
Only stopping here and there to catch a flea
They were fast asleep at Crewe and so they never knew
That I was walking up and down the station
They were sleeping all the while I was busy at Carlisle
Where I met the station master with elation
They might see me at Dumfries if I summoned the police
If there was anything they ought to know about

When they got to Gallowgate there they did not have to wait
For Skimbleshanks would help them to get out!
And he gives you a wave of his long brown tail
Which says "I'll see you again!
You will meet without fail on the Midnight Mail
The Cat of the Railway Train!"

 

Macavity: The Mystery Cat

Macavity! Macavity's a mystery cat
He's called the Hidden Paw
For he's a master criminal who can defy the law
He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard
The Flying Squad's despair
For when they reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's broken every human law
He breaks the law of gravity
His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare
And when you reach the scene of crime Macavity's not there!
You may seek him in the basement
You may look up in the air
But I tell you once and once again
Macavity's not there!

Macavity's a ginger cat
He's very tall and thin
You would know him if you saw him for his eyes are sunken in
His brow is deeply lined with thought
His head is highly domed
His coat is dusty from neglect
His whiskers are uncombed
He sways his head from side to side
With movements like a snake
And when you think he's half asleep
He's always wide awake!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
For he's a fiend in feline shape
A monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by-street
You may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!

He's outwardly respectable
I know he cheats at cards
And his footprints are not found in any files of Scotland Yard's
And when the larder's looted
Or the jewel cases rifled
Or when the milk is missing
Or another Peke's been stifled
Or the greenhouse glass is broken and the trellis past repair
There's the wonder of the thing:
Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
There never was a cat of such deceitfulness and suavity
He always has an alibi and one or two to spare
Whatever time the deed took place, Macavity wasn't there!

And they say that all the cats whose wicked deeds are widely known
(I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)
Are nothing more than agents for the cat who all the time
Just controls the operations
The Napoleon of Crime!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity
He's a fiend in feline shape
A monster of depravity
You may meet him in a by-street
You may see him in the square
But when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!

 

Mr. Mistoffelees

We have to find Old Deuteronomy

You ought to ask magical Mr. Mistoffelees
The original Conjuring Cat
There can be no doubt about that
Please, listen to me and don't scoff
All his inventions are of his own bad
There’s no such cat in the metropolis
He holds all the monopolies
For performing surprising illusions
And creating eccentric confusions
The greatest magicians have something to learn
From Mr. Mistoffelees's conjuring turn

And we all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

He’s quiet, he’s small, he is black
From his ears to the tip of his tail
He can creep through the tiniest crack
He can walk on the narrowest rail
He can pick any card from a pack
He is equally cunning with dice
He is always deceiving you into believing
That he's only hunting for mice

He can play any trick with a cork
Or a spoon and a bit of fish paste
If you look for a knife or a fork
And you think it was merely misplaced
You have seen it one moment, and then it is gone!
But you find it next week lying out on the lawn!

And we all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Presto!

Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

His manner is vague and aloof
And you would think there was nobody shyer
But his voice can be heard on the roof
While he was curled up by the fire
And he's sometimes been heard by the fire
While he was about on the roof
(At least we all heard that somebody purred)
Which is uncontestable proof
Of his singular magical powers
And I've known the family to call
Him in from the garden for hours
While he was asleep in the hall

And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!

And we all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

And not long ago this phenomenal cat
Produced seven kittens right out of a hat!

And we all say:
Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

Oh! Well I never! Was there ever
A cat so clever as magical Mr. Mistoffelees!

I give you the magical, the marvelous
Mr. Mistoffelees!

 

Memory

Daylight
See the dew on the sunflower
And a rose that is fading
Roses whither away
Like the sunflower
I yearn to turn my face to the dawn
I am waiting for the day . . .

Now Old Deuteronomy, just before dawn
Through a silence you feel you could cut with a knife
Announces the cat who can now be reborn
And come back to a different Jellicle Life

Memory, turn your face to the moonlight
Let your memory lead you
Open up, enter in
And if you find there the meaning of what happiness is
Then a new life will begin

Memory, all alone in the moonlight
I can smile at the old days
I was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning
The streetlamp dies, another night is over and
Another day is dawning

Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn't give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Sunlight
Through the trees in the summer
Endless masquerading
Like a flower as the dawn is breaking
The memory is fading

Touch me
It's so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me
You'll understand what happiness is

Look
A new day has begun

 

The Journey to the Heaviside Layer

Up, up, up, past the Russell Hotel
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer

Up, up, up, past the Russell Hotel
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer

Up, up, up, past the Russell Hotel
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer

Up, up, up, past the Russell Hotel
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer

Up, up, up, past the Jellicle Moon
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer

Up, up, up, past the Jellicle Moon
Up, up, up, up, to the Heaviside Layer

The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity
Round the cathedral rang "Vivat!"
Life to the everlasting cat!

 

The Ad-dressing of Cats

You've heard of several kinds of cat
And my opinion now is that
You should need no interpreter
To understand our character
You've learned enough to take the view
That cats are very much like you
You've seen us both at work and games
And learnt about our proper names
Our habits and our habitat
But how would you ad-dress a cat?

So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: A cat is not a dog

So first, your memory I'll jog
And say: A cat is not a dog

With cats, some say one rule is true
Don't speak 'til you are spoken to
Myself I do not hold with that
I say you should ad-dress a cat
But always bear in mind that he
Resents familiarity
You bow, and taking off your hat
Ad-dress him in this form: "O' cat!"

Before a cat will condescend
To treat you as a trusted friend
Some little token of esteem
Is needed, like a dish of cream
And you might now and then supply
Some caviar, or Strassburg pie
Some potted grouse or salmon paste
He's sure to have his personal taste
And so in time you reach your aim
And call him by his name

A cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect
So this is this, and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat

A cat's entitled to expect
These evidences of respect
So that is this, and that is that
And there's how you ad-dress a cat

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I Love CATS!!!